Even if you have a positive mindset, it often seems like everything else around you is conspiring to undermine your goals.
Nothing is permanent, not even stability and happiness, and we can make a good thing out of everything that goes bad. Lemons and lemonade : )
Today was definitely not my best day, and I allowed myself to feel anger. But in the end, and even though everything felt like it was falling apart, my intuitive fitness journey did not suffer a setback: indeed, it helped make the day terrific in the end.
The purpose of writing my diary is to show you how intuitive fitness works, how it integrates with my actual lived life, how I make fitness choices based on what my mind and body are telling me.
My morning thoughts and plans
I was actually very enthusiastic this morning. I did my morning meditation as usual, taking 5 minutes to ground my mind and think about the day ahead and my connections with important people around me. I also made a body scan, which is a useful technique I always make. It is about getting to know your body and feeling which parts are tense, whether you have any pains bothering you, and any other sensations.
Anyway, for an unconventional breakfast, I had two turkey sandwiches with mozzarella cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, balsamic vinegar and oregano, it tasted amazing (keto with bread! Oh, wait….).
I wouldn’t have known the universe was tossing me a bad omen when my club sandwich fell to the floor and I had to prepare another one.
My morning plans before my noisy roommate went out of his bedroom were to arrive at work early, go through a heap of paperwork, and reschedule appointments I needed to make with the designer team. I knew this was going to be stressful, so I was planning to drink a revitalizing coffee in one of the coffee shops near my workplace during my time out.
After that, and back to work, I had to continue with my paperwork, which I’ve been postponing for way too long. It would be ok to finish at least 70% of the job. Before going back home, I also had to evaluate a few safety issues that were reported yesterday in the internal network of the company. But that was going to be a piece of cake.
How everything went down the drain
When Bruno came out of his room, he was as hurried as always, and I didn’t realize there was a spill of balsamic vinegar on the floor. It happened in a blink: he fell and landed flat on his back. I jumped out of the table to help him, but he was in real pain and couldn’t stand up.
We called his home emergency service, which was luckily covered by his insurance company. He could stand up after a while and we sat together on the couch. I helped him out of his shirt to examine his back, but everything looked just fine. The problem was down below and I was not planning to pull down his pants. When the home emergency service team came home, they examined the area and told us he needed X-rays. It was apparently a very severe hit. Their service included transport to a nearby hospital, also covered by his insurance company.
I was initially going to go with them, but Bruno insisted that I should go to my work, and the paramedical personnel told me they would likely take several hours, and he may need to remain in the hospital for some time in case this was actually a fracture in the tailbone (or coccyx bone).
Yes, I headed to the office, but I was feeling guilty about what happened and instead of arriving very early, I was really late. Everything else was catastrophic. My boss told me the paperwork meant for next week was urgent for today. The designer team was very late, I was stressed out in the meeting, and could not have my coffee afterwards. The morning incident left me without time to prepare my afternoon snack and meal, so I was hungry and very angry. In this state of mind, my work was not being very productive. And when I finally knew that Bruno had a fracture and needed to stay in the hospital, my mood changed from angry to depressed.
For a long moment, I totally lost the connection between my body and my mind. I was feeling depressed and hungry, and bought different types of sweets and fizzy drinks, which was the only thing I ate during the afternoon. When I realized I was actually contributing to my own mess, it was too late.
How a medicine ball suffered the consequences
When I came out of my office, I had been working extra hours to have the paperwork done by the end of the day, or should I say the night. It was really late, and the visiting hours in the hospital were over, so I couldn’t actually stay with Bruno that night. My girlfriend, Izzy, was not very happy, either, and was unresponsive on WhatsApp, maybe because my words and responses throughout the day were inappropriate and not comforting.
I was feeling depressed, guilty, ashamed, angry, and hungry. I experienced almost every negative feeling one can have at the same time. But now I had time to breathe and restart. I didn’t have the paperwork on my back anymore. I could calm down and relax, and so I did, before turning on the engine.
I realized I was losing my mind, losing control of myself, my time, and my goals. Everything happened so fast, and it was a really heavy day in every single aspect. Even my girlfriend was saying nothing after my “want me to come over?” message.
So, I tried to get everything straight and asked myself “what do you need right now?”. This was my answer:
- I need to eat something, like, urgently.
- I need a bath, almost desperately.
- I feel a negative energy deep inside and need to burn it somehow
I wolded down a fruit salad with cantaloupe, watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, blueberries, and flaxseed. Izzy still wasn’t taking my calls – straight to voicemail.
I had decided to avoid heavy foods because I needed to get rid of that excess energy I was feeling throughout the day, and found comfort in throwing medicine – or ‘slam’ – balls as hard as I could, using my neighbor’s backyard den. Its soundproof and has concrete walls! Yes, if you don’t have an opponent or a sparring partner, slam balls are the next best thing. I use this one because I like the grip and the balance.
Medcine balls are incredibly versatile and can provide a total body aerobic workout. The session lasted 40 minutes and I did multiple sets of overhead slams and lunge passes especially, while listening to the Bourne Identity theme (Moby) on max volume. I do this sometimes : ). This video gives you a basic idea of some of the moves.
This felt like so liberating. Even drenched in sweat, I was enjoying the exercise and doing it with energy and intensity. I ended up exhausted, but with something like the runner’s high in my chest. I was feeling fantastic.
I took a shower, prepared a bowl of beef and broccoli seasoned with honey, soy sauce, some vinegar, garlic, ginger, and olive oil. It only took 5 minutes and I was eating and getting prepared to go to bed. I had an idea in the shower, too: why not try tai-chi (or qigong)? It must have been the martial arts aspect that brought it to my head, but I only lazily thought ‘yoga without all the people and better for aggression?’
Isabella had answered a single “no” to my question. I wrote a message saying I was sorry and had behaved like an idiot today. I lost control and made you feel bad when it’s not your fault. So, I told her, I know I cannot turn back time but I hope I can make it up to you tomorrow, because there’s nothing I love more than seeing you smile and making you laugh.
I only saw her reply the day after, because I fell asleep as soon as I put my head on the pillow.